I took a quick nap this afternoon and it happened again. I don’t know when it started but over the years since childhood there have been perhaps hundreds of times in those hazy moments when I’m floating between consciousness and unconsciousness that sometimes a girl comes to me. She’s fully clothed; she wears a loose fitting peach colored sleeveless shirt. It’s a warm and sunny afternoon and the yellow sun is streaming through her hair from somewhere over her right shoulder. Her hair is sometimes light brown and sometimes blond but she’s always the same girl. She’s facing me and the sun is always in the same position relative to her head. I sometimes get the notion that we’re standing in a doorway or a small vestibule and other times I’m seated at a desk with her standing at the left end of the desk. If ever I see the floor it’s always the same warm yellowy brown oak I remember from grade school. Our interaction only lasts a moment, as if it really takes place during my passing through this state of semi-consciousness. In spite of the fleeting nature of our encounters she’s in no hurry and she’s always playfully teasing me about something I’m taking too seriously. I can tell by the effortless way she plays with me that she loves me. Just before she disappears she laughs and throws her head back to clear her hair from her face. She has a beautiful long neck and I know I love her too. But then she’s gone.
At this point I generally awake on the verge of panic, like I’ve just learned the limit of how long I can hold my breath at the bottom of the pool. My mind is rushing through the catalog of all the women I’ve ever met, desperately trying to figure out, “who is that woman!?!”